#okay THIS sounds like an Actually NPD post

[velvetvexations]

hey. is your blog title a battle tapes reference. valkyrie specifically .

You're thinking of Belgrade! But yes, it's the only song I've heard from them but I like it a lot. It's partly for the Goth Park video and partly because I put such a focus on solidarity and allyship, both what I receive and what I can give. I just truly believe in the beauty of living and dying for others, especially when they'd do the same for you.

[narcissism-awareness]

i feel like you're kinda downplaying the possibility of pwNPD being abusive. your blog has a "oh it NEVER happens" vibe. im not officially diagnosed, but my psych test did end up showing symptoms of it. however, i do have bipolar, and the reality is that i have hurt people and that my mental illness *was* a factor in it. it didnt exist in a vacuum. especially when i wasnt medicated.

like i dont blame people who see me having BP and wanting to move away and call them ableist for that. my mental illness will forever be a factor in the way i experience world - and im not saying OH I WAS AN AWFUL PERSON TO THESE PEOPLE, but i mean it in a way "my cycles of mania and depression have hurt people dear to me, even though i wasnt directly hurtful to them". they couldnt cope with it or my needs and thats okay.

i feel like youre being rly dismissive of people who were abused by people with personality disorders. i was abused by someone w BPD and their mental illness *was* a factor in it. the same way my BP/OCD/BM/ADHD affected others. its dishonest to pretend NPD exists in a vacuum.

I never claimed that it never happens, just in most cases of people calling abuse "narcissistic abuse," their abuser was actually self centered or egotistical and not diagnosed with NPD. (most cases, not all)

It is not ableist to call out abusers who have NPD, what's ableist is to call an entire mental disorder abusive. Or to blame abuse on a mental disorder.

While sometimes we may unintentionally hurt others due to our symptoms, abuse is a choice. People choose to manipulate, use, degrade, and gaslight others. That's not something that happens as a symptom of a mental disorder.

It is true NPD can make us to have little regard for other people and their emotions, which can cause some unhealthy and unstable relationships. But it does not cause us to systematically abuse others?? Thinking that is ableism.

However I acknowledge how you said my blog can feel dismissive of abuse victims. Obviously, in any scenario abuse is not ok. Victims should be able to get resources to escape and recover from abuse. But ableism is not excusable just because your abuser(s) had a mental disorder.

The goal of this blog is to call out ableism and spread awareness about NPD. My posts are usually very matter-of-fact because of this, which may make me sound dismissive to abuse victims. (Keep in mind I am autistic and narcissistic so it's hard for me to judge how others will receive my tone)

I apologize for this and will try to be more welcoming to abuse victims when I can, but the main goal is still informing people about NPD and debunking ableist stereotypes.

[fierceawakening]

You know, I’ve always felt weird about “support people with NPD and ASPD” posts but now that I’ve read that book about narcissism in parents and how it lastingly messes up their kids I feel even weirder.

Support them in what?

Can supporting them include, “it is not and will never and should never be my decision, but I think you should heavily consider not having kids, or being less involved in raising them than most birth parents are?”

What does support actually mean here?

This post brought on by a ‘you have to support people even who you think are scary or dangerous” post on my dash. Okay, but how do I support someone I’ve deemed dangerous and keep myself safe? Not asking for a friend. The person with what I’m beginning to think of as too many narcissistic traits to have a fully mutually healthy relationship with is my mom.

That and… again, i know it’s not good to put too much stock in one book, but… one thing the book said that I found convincing was that if I was primarily raised by someone with narcissistic traits, then even if I’m not diagnosably narcissistic myself, I’ve likely mimicked or picked up some behaviors. According to the book, it’s hard and important work to choose not to be like that, and to change my behavior.

That seems correct to me. There are behaviors I changed that mom didn’t, and I’m proud of myself for rethinking things and doing it, and frustrated that explaining this to her doesn’t work.

If I change, am I failing to support someone?

What IS “support?”

I dunno I feel like those posts sound reasonable but it turns out they’re ambiguous, possibly on purpose possibly not, in a way that’s designed to make you doubt your gut feelings about whether someone is safe.

[doomsd8ydevice]

Well, alright, I'm 8ad! 8ut then you're no prize either!!!!!!!!

Welcome to Viskus Serket's coining 8log! I lied actually this is part personal part coining. This is for 8oth fictionkin things and my 8rand new TransID alternative, EthiX! (or EthiID but EthiX sounds cooler.)

A 8it of inform8ion a8out myself-- Hi, I'm Viskus! I'm technically a fictionkin of Vriska Serket from Homestuck, 8ut I prefer to call him Viskus and refer to him as male for personal reasons I won't 8e getting into on this 8log. No discourse a8out transmasc Vriska please. I use he/it pronouns and I am firmly anti-radqueer. I'm 14 so don't 8e a weirdo!!!!!!!! 8ipolar type schizoaffective disorder, autism and NPD haver.

Explan8ion of what EthiX is, what it's stances are, and what my own stances are down 8elow!

On EthiX...

Simply put, EthiX is a TransID alternative. Ethi- comes from ethical, 8ut the way I got there was through the Greek word epithymia, which transl8s to wish. EthiX can also be spelled EthyX so EthyID would look 8etter, either works.

Stances...

EthiX is not meant for la8els like transrace, transage, or transharmful. Transa8led terms are okay, as long as they're used 8ecause of a condition like 8IID. EthiX is pro-transition for more innocuous terms (such as Ethieyecolor, Ethihaircolor, Ethivoice, ECT.), aswell as for ethia8led or ethispecies terms if it's an adult who understands the consequences and gravity of their transition and done with the help of professionals.

Usage...

An EthiX term would 8e defined as someone who wishes they were/had X or feels as if they were meant to 8e/have X. For example, Ethihorns would 8e wishing you had horns or feeling as if you were meant to have horns.

Anyone is free to coin EthiX terms!

On personal use of this 8log...

This 8log is also a personal 8log. I most likely will primarily post a8out my experiences 8eing fictionkin and my dysphoria. I will also use it for other Random Unspecified Personal Things, and pro8a8ly as a general anti-radqueer 8log.

Please respect my identity as Viskus. Not doing so literally just gets you 8locked nothing else.

My stances...

Anti-radqueer pro-para. I 8elieve people with harmful paraphilias should 8e a8le to get help. Paraphilias can't 8e cured, 8ut urges can 8e cur8ed so the paraphile doesn't hurt anyone. I h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 H8 radqueers. I am an ex-radqueer and I won't go into detail a8out what I've experienced here, 8ut what I've gone through has made me h8 the community with a 8URNING passion. I am pro-transition in the same way EthiX itself is.

DNI!

The DNI for this 8log is in the 8anner, 8ut if the font is hard to read here's it in text!

8asic DNI Criteria, Radqueers, Pro-C for Harmful Paraphilias, Pro-Harmful TransIDs (Transharmful, Transrace, Transage, ECT.), Terf, Truscum, and anyone who's gonna 8e rude!

I 8lock very freely.

Tags are...

8lah 8lah 8lah -- All of my posts. All of them.

sea shore echoes -- Re8logs.

crewmate's inquiries -- Asks.

treasure un8uried -- Coining posts.

spider's silk -- Terms I identify with.

Well, alright, I'm 8ad, 8ut then THAT'S NOTHING NEW!!!!!!!!

[nothing0fnothing]

I noticed the comments you sometimes get from people with NPD… as I have. It makes me laugh because the way they approach it… the way they try to get their point across is by using the very techniques that they’re saying we can’t call abuse. Gaslighting… feeling as though they deserve special treatment and feel they have a right to dictate our feelings and using a term that is widely accepted and used in mental health, emotional black mail, insults etc.

Do they not realize this?

Hi there thanks for your support <3

NPD is one of those disorders, lots of people love to talk about it but very few want to actually educate themselves on what it really means to have it. I think because "narcissistic abuse" and "narcissistic personality disorder" sound the same they like to get discussed in the same circles, regardless of how little they have to do with one another. I do try to ensure when it comes up on my blog I deal with it in a way people with the disorder find respectful so I really appreciate you coming to this page being open about your diagnosis and your support. It means a lot to me.

I tend to get abuse on this page in two distinct categories. The first is really aggressive violent abuse. Usually from people who are self diagnosed with NPD or ASPD, usually they self identify as narcissists and usually their blog is full of edgy posts about how cool it is to be a narcissist or to have a cluster B disorder. The second are mostly younger people in with leftist ideals who have all the right politics but don't really have any real world experience in left leaning or social justice spaces.

The former tend to be the group coming in with the vile abuse. "I hope you die", "your parents should have beat you harder", saying "you deserved it" in my post replies and flooding my anons with cruelty. Usually this group don't stop till they are blocked and I have had some come after me on multiple accounts just to continue the abuse.

I had one who wouldn't stop even after I'd blocked 4 or 5 associated accounts, so I screenshot his blog with his vile comments and shared it to a cringe subredit. Very quickly he went from powerful abuser to wounded puppy, posing as his own partner in the comments begging I remove the post as people with his disorder can't help it and people who are not narcissists should know better than to hold him accountable. My post stayed up and he's left me alone since then, but it does open a door to explore the mindset.

Usually, untherapised and undiagnosed people who suspect they have NPD have an understanding of what it means to have the disorder that isn't consistent with reality. They tend to think that NPD is "abuser disorder" and therefore claiming they have it gives them the undisputed right to abuse and bully whoever they like, however they like, and anybody who calls out their abuse are being ableists for expecting them to behave in a way that is generally expected in polite society. To them calling narcissistic abuse what it is feels personal, they know it describes who they are and they feel that it is an unfair criticism of their selves, after all, its the mental illnesses fault they're a cunt, right?

Generally I don't like to reply to this type on my page. It only furthers the misrepresentation of NPD, promotes their own delusion that this is normal behaviour for NPD, opens the doors for their fan boys to flood my asks and falsely represents people with the disorder as obligate abusers. It really isn't useful to my blog at all.

They know they're being abusive, they think I am being abusive too, they think it's okay for them and not for me because they "have NPD" and I don't. They know its illogical, they do know better and they're aware of the optics of abusing someone for discussing abuse. This is why they hide behind side blogs and anon asks. To me they're a great example that personality disorders shouldn't be self diagnosed and as they have nothing of any importance to say, they get blocked immediately.

The latter tend to abuse via gaslighting and stonewalling. "I hope you die" is a common one in this group too but its also comments like "you have no right to use the term narcissist", "just call it regular abuse" and accusations that I am armchair diagnosing my abusers with a mental health disorder I routinely explain on my page has nothing to do with the way they behaved.

Usually these people feel rightous in their abuse because they are convinced that they are protectors and hero's for people with NPD who (for some unspoken reason) can't speak up for themselves. Usually they too are misinformed about what NPD actually is and will parrot weird ableist notions such as that people with NPD "can't help it." (Yikes) or will assume that my abusers had NPD based on the descriptions of abuse that I share on my page (I have never disclosed the mental health diagnoses of any of my abusers.) They beleive that narcissism and NPD are one in the same and that accurately describing narcissistic abuse is ableism against people with NPD for that reason.

Generally they come in hard with the accusations of ableism and insistence that every abuse specialist and victim advocacy group who acknowledge narcissistic abuse are ableists, but will quickly stop replying when I gently ask them why they think the solution to this problem is to harass strangers running abuse recovery blogs and victim support resources.

This type of person is absolutely blind to the contradiction in their "support." They genuinely don't understand how making statements publicly like "you just want your abuse to be special" and "I don't care what experts say this type of abuse isnt real" is super bad optics for the group of people they're claiming to be protecting. Every person new to this discourse seeing that won't assume that the person with the long heartbreaking posts about getting yeeted down the stairs as a 4 year old and is openly disabled and neurodivergent is secretly a hideous ableist out to destroy people with trauma induced personality disorders, they're going to think that to support people with cluster B disorders you need to be pro abuse and anti victim support.

What's important to me is that when people come to this blog they're not coming to a place that unfairly pins their awful experiences to a mental illness that nobody who has it asks for. Whenever I get comments, no matter how well meaning, that present NPD as a disorder that causes abuse, I have to break it down and explain how it isn't, not for people who think coming to my blog to gaslight and harass me to jump on my side, but for the people coming here for support who deserve to be educated on what happened to them.

[bliss-wily]

hey! I know it's been a while you posted that and I don't have npd myself but it filled me with happiness when I saw your apology post. Idk I'm just not used to seeing people admitting they were wrong unless they're forced to.

If you don't mind I'd like to make a suggestion though: why don't you edit the post slightly, not deleting what you said but instead linking the apology post next to it, so that when people reblog it others will see it as well?

It's just a suggestion though and I have no bad intentions when writing this okay? Also don't feel forced to do anything, no hard feelings if you just delete this

No worries at all! I take no offence to this post. I actually think that’s a wonderful suggestion, and I’ll take your feedback on board. Thank you so much for this suggestion!

I had to apologise, not out of coercion (because there was none), but I knew I was wrong and I wanted to admit to it. Anyway, I think I’ll take your suggestion as it sounds like a lovely idea.

Thank you so much for sending this ask, please never be afraid to send suggestions, I won’t take any offence. Once again anon, thank you for your suggestion!

[thesebright-lights]

This post is going to be really controversial, so I want to preface this by saying that I grew up with Taylor Swift, and I really enjoy a lot if her songs. I’m not calling for her to be deplatformed or canceled, but there are really some things we need to talk about in relation to her music.

First of all, I want to say that “Betty”is.. kind of an issue. The song sounds like it’s a wlw love song, which in itself is fine. Anyone can write songs about queer people regardless of sexuality. My issue is that Taylor said that this song was actually from a boy's perspective, which, again isn’t problematic in and of itself- the issue is that she waited literal months until after the song came out to announce this. I know people say that its obvious if you listen to the album, but really? You actually think every single person that listens to Taylor Swift listens to every single song she puts out repeatedly while trying to put together a narrative? Because most don’t, that's exclusive to pretty dedicated fans, and the majority of people that listen to her music aren’t. If she wanted to keep it ambiguous, that would be fine too- but she didn’t. I’m sorry, but that’s queerbaiting, plain and simple.

The other issue is Taylor's ablism. She posted a TikTok that said something along the lines of “when your psychotic ex breaks into the wedding”, which is obviously not okay..? Not to mention the entirety of “I Did Something Bad”. She quite literally said she never trusts anyone with NPD and will go out of her way to manipulate them. I don’t care if it’s “just a song”. If she’d said that about literally any other mental health issue people wouldn’t have accepted it, why is NPD any different. Celebrities aren’t perfect, and aren’t immune to criticism. Please stop letting these things slide.

[kyliesdrunkoncherrywine]

No, I don’t own them, and I never said I did. I didn’t mean for it to come across that way, English is not my first language so I may have misused some words, I also didn’t say they were specific to those disorders, I know I used the word symptom but I didn’t know what else to call it, i am well aware that they aren’t specific to me or those disorders, but they are common with them. i also never claimed that I wasn’t responsible for my own self destructive or outer destructive behaviour and also never intended for it to sound that way, i was simply describing my own personal experience, which is clearly not what everyone elses personal experience is. I also never said I was after empathy for my ‘abusive and apathetic’ actions, because I’m not and I never mentioned wanting empathy for it. the lack of context makes the post hard to understand so I understand where this is coming from

The post is about people using those terms like it’s a flex and having no idea what it means, but then condemning people for actually being like that. Yes, if someone’s behaviour is gross and unhinged, they should be condemned. I never said they shouldn’t- The point was about people, specifically people in my own personal life, who have done that to me. Yes I have been those things I’ve described, but not once did I ever attempt to justify it, or say that those behaviours were okay, because they aren’t.

I was just venting about something that has personally happened to me, and it got a lot of attention, which wasn’t planned but I figured If people wanted to share it because they related, then they can. No, not everyone with ASPD, NPD, BPD or etc are people with those tendencies but some of us are, and sometimes I fit into those categories, But I am working on myself and getting better. I never said my behaviour was okay, I never asked for sympathy for it, and i didn’t mean for it sound like i was claiming those as terms specific for those disorders

This post was just a vent about people in my ex friend group who used to get mad at me for talking about my experiences with NPD, ASPD and BPD and how it’s made me act sometimes but then they would go use the same terms about themselves and act like it was okay and just funny and silly.

I never said I wasn’t responsible for my own harmful behaviour- I also didnt say I wanted empathy, and I never meant to say those were terms that I or people with those disorders own, I’ve met plenty of people without them who act exactly like that.

i have also never abused anyone because of my behaviour problems (idk what else to call it) and don’t believe disorders are ever an excuse to treat people like shit, yes i have been nasty to people sometimes bc of it but never once abused someone and went “I have npd/bpd/aspd it’s my disorder!!!!” because that is totally unfair and not okay and I am responsible for my own actions and behaviours regardless of the root of them!

I see where I went wrong and misphrased some things and that’s not what I was trying to say and also thank you for also giving me the chance to clarify that as I didn’t think of it until this happened! I appreciate the thoughts and criticism but i think there was a misunderstanding (sorry if anything is muddled up, english is not my first language, ill correct any mistakes made!) I hope this makes more sense and makes the meaning of my post a bit clearer, again sorry if my wording was off!

Seeing people abuse tf outta words like ‘God complex’ ‘Egotistical’ ‘Narcissistic’ ‘Impulsive’ ‘Unsympathetic’ to describe themselves because they get ‘silly’ but they’re also the same people who judge you, ostracise you, and shit talk you for being all of those things due to your personality disorders is an unmatched, enraging feeling

It’s the same people who treat you like absolute garbage when you’re having an episode, and then turn around and say they have a ‘God complex’ because maybe their egos big, but when I can’t be reached, can’t be convinced I’m wrong, can’t be reasoned with, don’t eat, sleep, abuse substances because I think I’m untouchable, do dangerous things to feed my impulses and because I genuinely don’t believe I can be hurt sometimes and can con my way out of everything, have an extensive criminal history and have phases where no, I don’t care about peoples feelings, and every other symptom, then suddenly I’m a horrible person? But it’s just ‘the silly’ for them, right?

[neonnoir-ao3]

Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

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I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

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Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

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(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

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What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

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With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

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Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

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Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

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Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

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I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

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💙

[celestial-ringleader]

https://celestial-ringleader.tumblr.com/post/658246663116341248/mushroom-cookie-bears-send-me-a-character-and

Remy & Pietro??

@lucifers-favorite-child Buckle in y’all because this is gonna be a long one

Remy LeBeau:

favorite thing about them: So. Many. Things. I can’t decide on one so I’m just gonna list off my top three:

- His entire aesthetic is just so cool to me?? I love the idea of his character, just him being a thief (and an heir to an entire Guild on top of it) but I also like how he’s often seen as siren-like with how he can pull people in and smooth-talk his way out of almost anything. Also his eyes are so fucking cool idc what anyone else says. The black with red sclera is just so awesome.

- His powerset, omg people seriously underestimate what he’s capable of. Some think his power is just throwing explosive cards when it’s so much more than that. Like do you have any idea how useful it could be to manipulate energy?? He could literally make a moving object stop because he can just sap out the kinetic energy within it. On top of that he made a missile explode in Excalibur which I think was an interesting way of using his powers.  Also his goddamn reflexes are broken as all fuck, like he can sense a bullet coming even before anyone else notices it and dodge it perfectly. And if he’s quick enough he can hit it back at the person who shot at him. It’s fucking insane. And let’s not forget that in an alternate universe he was able to kill the Dark Phoenix and destroy his whole planet in a fit of his powers overloading. So.

- This is gonna be cheesy, but I love the way he talks. I like how no matter how much time has passed, he hasn’t changed how he speaks and is proud of it. Besides, his accent is just,,,so good.

least favorite thing about them: Aside from the moments where he’s characterized and portrayed poorly, I can’t think of anything.

favorite line: “I ain’t a thief, or an assassin. I’m an X-Man and I’m never comin’ back.” He said that to Belladonna in X-Men: The Animated Series and it stuck with me so much.

But also the line “You need ta get a life. Seriously.” is so good too. Just ANXF in general had a lot of good lines.

brOTP: Oh boy I have so many so I’m listing them off:

-Remy & Ororo Monroe

-Remy & Laura Kinney

-Remy & Anna-Marie (and before I get people asking, I personally don’t ship them romantically. Not saying no one else should, it’s just a personal preference.)

And some bonus crack brOTPs:

-Remy & Neena Thurman

-Remy & Felicia Hardy

OTP: There’s a lot here too,,,

-Remy/Pietro Maximoff (obviously)

-Remy/Fantomex

-Remy/Johnny Storm (this is more of a crack pairing, but I blame rping on discord for this)

-Remy/Kurt Wagner

-Remy/Warren Worthington III

nOTP: Honestly Remy is so shippable with a lot of people so I don’t really care all that much. Like,,sometimes I like people exploring him in toxic relationships (like with Sabertooth or Mister Sinister) so I really don’t care skjvbdkj

random headcanon: I like to headcanon that Remy has ADHD, which mostly shows itself through him having special interests, stimming, and having a bad case of RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) because of past trauma associated with him being abandoned by those close to him. Also I like to imagine he uses playing cards to stim and his special interest is science fiction and space operas. Let him be a nerd.

Also he’s an Omega Level mutant. There I said it.

unpopular opinion: Okay, nobody get out the pitchforks and torches, but I don’t like this common headcanon that he’s a himbo and a narcissist. Usually a himbo is described as a character who is dumb while also being kind and beefy, but Remy just doesn’t tick all those boxes in my opinion. He’s incredibly clever and learns quickly, but he also doesn’t waste his time with knowledge that won’t help him. Like maybe he can’t do basic calculus but he understands how to get a lock to break based on it’s materials. Also because he was a physics teacher and I’d buy that he understands physics very well, especially since energy is such a big part of physics. So to me, he isn’t a himbo, he’s just a decent man. And as for the narcissism thing, he just doesn’t fit into the personality of someone with NPD. In fact, most of the time he talks down about himself and thinks himself less worthy....the exact opposite of a narcissist. Sometimes he’s just full of himself because he loves himself for once and that’s perfectly okay to me.  

song i associate with them: “Blood on my Name” by The Brother’s Bright, it has a southern gothic feel and it fits well into his backstory. Also “Poker Face” because why not. And also “Addict” by SilviaHound (yes it’s a Hazbin Hotel song but the vibes fit him so well)

favorite picture of them: I have,,,way too many I like. But these ones are just so good.

Also this one because it genuinely made me laugh

okay and now onto pietro

Pietro Maximoff:

favorite thing about them: There’s so much I love about Pietro so I’ll just list it off again ajkdbvkj

- His powers are actually really fucking cool. Like people think he can just run fast but forget that running fast is just one thing he can do. He can literally vibrate himself fast enough to go through walls, he has been shown to have some control over metal like Erik, he ran faster than the speed of sound (and possibly light), and he can leg press over 2,000 pounds. Also his superhero name is just so good, not even being ironic, the name Quicksilver is so badass.

- I love his relationship with Wanda, like sometimes it’s written really bad but other times it’s the cutest thing ever. Like he feels so protective over Wanda because of the environment they were raised in, but at the same time he learns when to let go of his own insecurities and let Wanda be her own person. Like,,their sibling dynamic is one of my favorites.

- His entire backstory is so tragic and I love it. He always feels like he isn’t good enough and tries to be as good as he can despite it all, but he’s also unabashedly pissed off about the circumstance he’s in. Like Pietro has every right to be bitter and I love seeing him call people out on their bullshit (especially in Quicksilver: No Surrender when he calls out people for marketing and appropriating Romani culture) 

least favorite thing about them: ...I literally can’t think of anything akjdbvkj

favorite line: Oops it’s all gamquick

Remy: Are you being difficult on purpose?

Pietro: What other reason is there to be difficult?

And also-

Pietro: Well, that’s a step up from a blow-up doll, isn’t it?

Remy: Did anyone ask you?

(Yes these are both from ANXF)

brOTP:

-Pietro & Wanda

-Pietro & Lorna Dane

-Pietro & Clint Barton (not MCU)

OTP: Okay I really only have two but I’m gonna gush about gamquick for a minute-

-Pietro/Remy LeBeau: I don’t even know where to begin with these two, I guess to start out with they both just look so good next to one another. They also bounce off one another banter-wise very well and while neither of them take bullshit from anyone, they still don’t mind messing with one another because it’s strictly playful. Also both their backstories are similar and lends itself to them finding solace in one another, they both recognize each other’s pain and will try their best to alleviate it as best as they can. They both understand what it feels like to be abandoned and abused and would never inflict that on each other, they both came from poverty and find it hard to fit into the “normal world”, but also Pietro usually never shows his softer side to anyone, but with Remy he’d make the exception because Remy wouldn’t hurt him like that. It’s also cute to explore them being able to settle down and get away from the superhero life for a while, but also them being a battle couple is A++

There’s just so much to say about them ajbdvkj

-Pietro/Namor Mckenzie: This became one of my favorite Pietro ships mostly because of @imperiuswrecked​ but also because apparently they were gonna be a couple in House of M?? Like that sounds so good to read about! Like Pietro is more carefree than Namor in some instances and it would be nice to see Namor relax a little bit more around Pietro. But also because I love imagining them being That royal couple and it’s so good.

nOTP: Pietro/Crystal. Just no. That ship is a garbage fire and it should’ve burned out ages ago.

random headcanon: Pietro has darker roots because his hair used to be the same color as Wanda’s before his powers manifested themselves. Also I like to headcanon/draw Pietro with darker skin.

unpopular opinion: Sometimes Pietro is seen as being misogynistic towards Wanda and I hate that interpretation of him. He’s protective over her, but he still allows her to make decisions on her own. Also people need to stop blaming Pietro for the events of House of M. For the love of god stop that shit.

song i associate with them: “Dollhouse” by Melanie Martinez

favorite picture of them: Need I say more? Pietro carrying his Cajun bf goes without saying

This was a lot of fun to write out and there’s so much more I can say but for now I’ll leave it here ajdbvkj

Ask Meme

[fierceawakening]

I was just thinking about this, and it dawned on me that this reminds me of old school ally discourse and how it fell apart. Pretty much exactly.

Like someone would say, “hey white people, if you care about oppression you need to be an ally to poc!” And everyone would be like, “that sounds super reasonable! I agree that systemic racism exists, is bad, and needs to go away. I’ve got your back.”

All cool. But since no one ever DEFINED what an ally is, or told the white people how and when it’s okay to ignore a particular pressing issue because they’re tired, on vacation, or straight up triggered by explicit footage of violence, you got a lot of this:

“Oh man, I hate allies! The idea was they’re supposed to stand behind us, but Issue is super important to me and no one even half a shade paler than me showed up to the protest/reblogged my PSA/sent me an ask asking if I’m having a rough time. Allies are worthless.”

But notice what is actually happening here!

By which I mean: I can understand both people. Change identity labels and I’ve literally BEEN each of them.

The person who wants to be an ally but doesn’t reblog everything is fine. They’re human. They have their own life to live and are never going to be able to show up to every action or boost every post. They never promised they would. All they agreed with is “it’s bad when people who aren’t me are treated badly. I see that this is happening and visibly assert that I Disapprove.”

The person who feels shafted is… also fine? They hoped that their friend’s Official Disapproval would ease some of their pain. But it also unfortunately made it really obvious when the friend wasn’t there for them, because it created an expectation in them that the friend would be. Their pain is real! Their disillusionment is most likely a distortion, but it’s a very understandable one.

What happened here?

As far as I can tell, what happened is that no one defined ally.

There was no standard to live up to. So the ally thought “oh I don’t have to take this one on, somebody else has got it.”

But there WAS a standard in the mind of the person who wanted allies. The whole reason they asked for allies was BECAUSE they felt unsupported and unable to attain their goal on their own.

Which is why I have a problem with those posts.

It’s not that I don’t think people with NPD and ASPD are lonely. It’s pretty clear even from the most “those people are MONSTEEEEEEERS” accounts of what’s going on that the bad behavior is happening as a result of very deep seated psychic pain that’s so intolerable they are willing to hurt others to soothe it, manipulate them to keep others around, etc.

That’s sad!

But if someone is willing to hurt me to get what they need to ease their loneliness, that isn’t good! That’s unacceptable. That’s something I should categorically have the right to say no to and walk away from.

Which leaves us at a really vague concept of “support” that no one ever actually discusses at length, and thus gets used as ally often does. “You didn’t do enough.”

[whack-a-moron]

hey! so i totally agree with you that narc abuse is a thing and i was reading one of your posts where you say saying narc abuse is real and wanting to help people with personality disorders are statements that coexist and i agree with most of it as to why the term narc abuse is okay, but towards the end i just wanted to mention you started using a lot of ableist language especially saying people replying to you are “self proclaimed narcissists” and idk what theyre supposed to call themselves if they have npd? like they can say theyre narcissists if they are, and a bit more in that little paragraph felt like a dig at everyone with npd even right after you said not everyone with npd is abusive

i dont have npd its just something i noticed and wanted to point out because i feel like we can talk about how npd is an important term to use without falling into ableist traps and using the term narcissist as an insult, since it can be a bad thing but isn’t inherently a bad thing and people with it can be good people yknow?

thats all! just wanted to point that out, hope you have a great day

The reason I say “self-proclaimed” is because they are exactly that--Self-proclaimed.

“Hi! Narcissist here! And I’m here to tell you how you’re wrong--”

Whether they actually have NPD? Not up to me to say. Some of them clearly do (they couldn’t be more stereotypical narcissistic if they tried). Some of them might not, self-diagnosing is all too common on social media and there are a lot of disorders that look like or mimic NPD that aren’t (People with C-PTSD can look like they have narcissism when triggered for instance, people with other mental disorders like depression and anxiety can appear to have low or no empathy because of emotional and psychological burnout or overstimulation, abuse victims in general using tactics like stonewalling and dissociation and grey rock out of self-protection can appear to have low empathy, and some personality disorders resemble narcissism but aren’t, just to name a few examples. There are also people who proclaim a fear of “being/becoming a narcissist” because they show “narcissistic traits”--it doesn’t mean they have NPD, you can have traits without having the full disorder, or symptoms of other disorders that mimic it).

Its “Trendy” for a lot of people to start attaching mentally ill labels on themselves, and for some people the more dramatic the label the better (which feeling the need to self-diagnose that hard is a mental illness in itself).

I’m not saying any of them are self-diagnosed, but there’s always the possibility some of them are because they read some WebMD article and decided “OH THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME”. A possibility. Not a guarantee.

I’m not saying any of them have done that, I’m just saying I don’t know for a fact whether they were professionally diagnosed, self-diagnosed, or misdiagnosed. All I have to go off of is that they say they are or aren’t narcissists. Hence, “self-proclaimed”. Its as simple as acknowledging they claim to be narcissists, and I have no reason or credible position to claim or think otherwise, because I don’t have any reasonable basis to either believe or disbelieve them.

There are also people who could be misdiagnosed by a shitty doctor. It happens. Powers That Be know I’ve met more than my fair share of “psychologists” that weren’t qualified to be psychologists, and others who weren’t qualified to be diagnosing what they were trying to diagnose. I’ve also met some really exceptional psychologists.

As for any digs, I’m mostly referring to the incessant number of dumb twats who have been in my notifications over the last few days, acting exactly in the manner of the stereotypical “asshole narcissist” that I’m talking about and make other narcissists who might not engage in shitty behavior look bad.

I’ve also seen a lot of these self-proclaimed Narcissists preach about not armchair-diagnosing while many of them do the exact same thing, either in the traditional sense, or more often the reverse (”X person in my life was abusive and I KNOW FOR A FACT they weren’t a narcissist!” ; How do you know they weren’t just undiagnosed? Or do you just “not want to be lumped together with them” because you don’t like them? Honest question. Maybe they weren’t but how do you “Know” 100% without a shadow of any doubt?)

I literally have nothing against people who make an effort not to be shitty no matter what disorders they may have, but between the replies from some of these people and just a brief skim of any recent posts they make arguing at others or talking about how they view and treat random people in really shitty ways and then hand-wave it away as “Well NPD just be like that”, I have no sympathy for them because they honestly just sound like abusers who are mad at being called for what they are, hiding behind NPD and “ableism” as a cheap shield from criticism.

There’s one common thing abusers and narcissistic abusers (not all with NPD ; just the abusive ones) both hate more than almost anything else and that’s being called out for what they are. Once you know what they are and what they’re doing, they can’t get away with being shitty, and narcissistic abusers can’t get easy access to narcissistic supply.

Others who don’t behave that way and work hard to be good people? Sure. I have no gripes. Y’all keep doing what you’re doing and stay golden.

But I will never sympathize with or curtail my language to the comfort of shitty people who think they’re justified in being shitty people.

[onisiondrama]

onision.co questions part 1

Greg / James is answering questions on one of his sites. I don’t suggest posting any questions or even going there to read his answers because he’ll just deflect and profit off the site traffic due to the excessive ads. I posted kinda relevant questions he answered so you don’t have to visit the site. I’ll post more as the day goes on.

Why are you a pedofile? Just that,love to know considering im an ex fan of yours 

Onision Staff replied 2 hours ago

Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent kids. There is nothing attractive about kids.

hey dude how does it feel to have videos about the horrible shit you did show up before your channel does on YouTube search results 

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

It’s nice to know so many people think I’m relevant.

Why are you like this? Seriously greg wtf is your problem???? 

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

Who is Greg? And I mean, we all have problems. You have to be specific.

What steps are you making to overcome your NPD? I know its fairly rare for sufferers of NPD to seek treatment but I am curious as to whether you’ve ever overcome this hurdle and looked into therapy/counselling. Apologies if this is too personal. Love the content and I know you’re more than just your disorder. 

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

I’ve only ever been diagnosed with depression. Maybe you’re mistaking me for someone else.

Tweets  hey are you trying to bust a nut on twitter right now or something?  like bruh wtf.

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

Gotta live a little.

replied 2 hours ago

fair enough. got that hentai and incest porn all ready to go?

Onision Staff replied 2 hours ago

Sounds like you do.

replied 2 hours ago

lmao peace out tell your dogs I say hi

Change in your views? First of all, thanks for taking the time to answer questions 🙂I’m a little miffed, it must be said since it seems your principles have changed over the past few years. Previously you said you wouldn’t associate with anyone who sent minors nudes. Why is Kai the exception to that rule? Or have you changed your overall opinion?Hope you’re holding up okay x

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

Kai has never had any interest in doing anything like that. If you knew him, you’d know that. What you see online is a massive distortion of the truth. Sending anyone images like that has always been wrong.

sad boi  is lainey crying?

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

Who is Lainey?

Behavior… Hey James! Another question for you! Can you explain why you were rude as all hell to Sarah up until a month before she turned 18? Could it possibly be that you wanted her to want that validation and niceness from you after years of cruelty? And why the fuck are you shaming a child about her sexual activity to the point that she cries about it? A child, dude.

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

I was rude because I only want adult friends.

"Barely Legal"???? Hey James! So I’m curious. You said that you have a preference for women in their 20s/30s, and that the last “barely legal” person you were with was Kai. Did you forget about Sarah and Billie?

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

Legal age in Washington state is 16… I have not been with anyone who is 16 in my life. The last time I dated anyone who was even close, was Kai about 7 years ago, who I have been married to about seven years as well.

Ew… Hey James! So, my question was… Why are you so fucking nasty? First the news breaks that you and Kai groomed and bedded Sarah within 4 months of her turning 18 and after being her legal guardians and adults who were supposed to keep herself. You yourself described her as a foster daughter didn’t you? And now we know the real story behind all of those disgusting videos you posted of your poor ex… who you also groomed while still married to your ex wife! Wow, what a busy man. 

Onision Staff answered 2 hours ago

It’s funny seeing people believe everything they read online.

replied 2 hours ago

I mean the receipts are there. Your silence on the matter also speaks volumes. You can dismiss it as not wanting ‘drama’. The truth is that you know you don’t have a leg to stand on. The truth is out there and you’re not HONEST enough to admit it.

Onision Staff replied 2 hours ago

Johnny Depp was pretty silent too ~ Some people are just grown ups who don’t want to participate in meaningless wastes of time, that is, internet drama. If you don’t like me, you’re welcome to leave. Go be happy.

replied 2 hours ago

Being accused of grooming children isn’t “internet drama”. Johnny Depp also denied the accusations. The fact that you don’t have any actual defense except “I don’t wanna talk about it” really speaks on the validity of it.

Onision Staff replied 57 mins ago

Johnny Depp and I both denied the accusations because both accusations are ridiculous.

[goosegoblin]

Hey, a friend of mine has been in an awful abusive relationship and believes that this was caused by him being a narcissist. Now she spents a lot of time talking to me about how narcissists are these evil, irredeemable people and tbh, it makes me uncomfortable. You're the only person I've seen who hasn't taken that approach with the "scary" mental illnesses, and I was wondering how I should deal with this. Is it okay to see narcissists as sick people, rather than dangerous, or am I just (1/2)

 being naive, as my friend says? (2/2)

Ahh Christ, I hate this phenomenon. 

She’s almost certainly talking about narcissists in the pop culture, Reddit-y way that gives that label to pretty much all abusive or toxic people. Most groups using this word freely admit that they aren’t referring to NPD when they do so, but that doesn’t stop a lot of people from conflating the two.

It’s especially difficult because your friend has obviously had a really, really difficult and traumatic time, and that deserves respect. But honestly, focusing on ‘narcissists‘ to that degree does not sound like an especially healthy coping mechanism. Is she in therapy? Could you encourage her to get in therapy? Hopefully a therapist could help her work through her trauma while gently challenging the beliefs she’s built.

–

Because I’m anticipating unhappy replies to this post, I’d like to remind you all of the DSM 5 criteria for NPD:

NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

- A grandiose sense of self-importance- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love- A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions- A need for excessive admiration- A sense of entitlement- Interpersonally exploitive behavior- A lack of empathy- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

The majority do not refer to behaviour, but to internal thoughts and beliefs, because- surprise!- that’s how mental illness works. Anybody attempting to come into my inbox and pick a fight over ‘lack of empathy’ is going to have to first demonstrate to me that they know what ‘empathy’ means, because it does not in fact mean ‘being nice and good’. Empathy exists on a spectrum, and some of the best people I know experience relatively little (or no) empathy.

As for ‘interpersonally exploitive behaviour’, I have… some thoughts on that. I won’t go into them too much here, but some quick notes: that does not necessarily mean ‘abusive’, that is in no way unique to people with NPD, all social interactions are manipulative to some extent (patrexes has some really great stuff on that), that criterion is not necessary for diagnosis, and these are the symptoms of untreated NPD. We can critique people on behaviours without labelling a whole condition as ‘evil’.

By comparison, here’s the trait listen given on the most prominent N-related subreddit. How many of those are actually unique to NPD? In contrast, how many are just plain abusive behaviours?

Yet another reason I dislike this recent ‘He/she’s an N!’ craze is that it completely erases the abusive behaviours of people who do not have NPD. I’ve experienced toxic and borderline abusive behaviour from people who were hyperempathetic. I’ve been in toxic relationships with people who hated themselves and thought they were garbage. I’ve known many people whose untreated depression, ADHD or anxiety led them to behave in toxic and abusive ways. Why is NPD different?

And, as ever, if your mental health awareness and advocacy stops at ‘the people you think are the real crazies’, it’s pretty fuckin’ bad, and you should really find a different label for what you’re doing. We need to strive to talk about abuse and trauma without merrily throwing mentally ill people under the bus while doing so; we cannot move forward by throwing other groups behind.

xx

[daddyd0nt]

I deadass read the shit u post keep speed rantin, how’d you find out abt ur disordered personality n when

OH THANK STARS i was worried when I saw the notification that this was going to be somebody angrily misinterpreting my post about the abusive teacher.  

I was diagnosed with autism in my early 20s but that still didn’t explain a lot of my issues and hostilities.  This is the boring part lol I had a friend with BPD and we had a lot in common, so I looked it up like I did with autism and realized it sounded a lot like me (demanding monogamy from playmates/friends, splitting, explosive moods).  I asked my Dr and she was like “yep” (id been talking to her for over a year at that point so she knew me well enough to make the call) and then she put it down on my paper there wasn’t much to it other than I brought her a print out of symptoms and was like “I think i have this” and she said shed suspected but was hesitant to put the label on me because theres so much hatred for BPD people in psychology we are considered the worst patients but if I was okay with it shed been wanting to for a while.  And like true life DRs really do treat you worse if you are a cluster-b, ive had nurses at the hospital totally switch up from sweet to suspicious after reading I was cluster-b because you are supposedly constantly manipulating everybody.  IDK if I am so i constantly feel like I am, I get the urge to “prove” im sick whenever I make any improvement and its why ive been stalling since I was 11

NPD I was actually diagnosed with at the hospital.  Originally I only knew the term from abuse survivors who all labeled their abusers with NPD and some of the things I would read and worry “Am I one of those” but I was assured that if I was worried about being a narcissist that I couldn’t possibly be one or I wouldn’t care/wouldn’t accept the label.  For a loser, I have an obsession with “winning” and am constantly keeping score of meaningless points in my head to figure out who I am better than and who is better than me (Spoiler: the last one is a much longer list haha) but I went in for feeling suicidal and when the doctor asked me why I wanted to die I pretty much just explained that if the world wasn’t going to tilt in my favor and I had to be poor and fat and disabled instead of the superstar I thought Id be by now that I didn’t want to live.  My NPD is actually the root of my most intense suicidal feelings, the idea that if Im not “winning” I have a way of “refusing to play”.  Im still constantly plagued by delusions of grandeur that im “not living up to”.  I feel bitter about where I am in life because Ive already passed by the age where so many people were successful.  Ive been dreading turning 28 in april because then ill be older than the 27 club who all got to be famous artists younger than me.  if I had to guess a root Id say it was the fact that I got the gifted child treatment from everybody (teachers, family, anything I didn’t immediately exceed in was useless and stupid and “I wont need it in a few years when Im a famous author”) The hospital gave me a questionnaire that asked things like if I see others as autonomous or think the world should make special rules for me and between that and the things I said to the therapist they made the diagnosis and changed me from BPD to PDNOES-Cluster B because you cant be diagnosed with both at once.

[dandelion-and-the-wolf]

Okay, so I don’t usually make any point of commenting on the writing or plot of The Arcana, even though I’ve had some f e e l i n g s on some of the more recent books. With the last update (Book XX - Judgement) though, I’m just too disappointed, and quite honestly, angry, not to.

Now, I can overlook the (in my opinion) decrease in quality of the writing. I can overlook the feeling I get that the main LI’s lost some of their spark and character along the way. But the thing I absolutely can’t overlook is the way that Lucio has been portrayed, treated, and “dealt with” in the latest update.

Why? Well, partly, because I identify with Lucio. 

I know, shock horror, right? How could I identify with someone who is constantly referred to as “garbage”, “trash”, “abusive” and “a whiny little bitch boy”, among many other negative descriptions? More to the point, why would I admit to it?

If you’re reading this and you don’t know me, or haven’t come across my blog before, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD, as the name suggests, is a personality disorder that generally results from some form of childhood trauma. It shapes and affects who I am, how I interact with and relate to people, and impacts pretty much every aspect of my life.  BPD, for me, is a constant need for attention and validation. It’s a horrible, perpetual fear of abandonment and rejection that seems irrational to most, but for me it’s very real and absolutely terrifying. It’s being told you’re a manipulative, attention-seeking monster by the media and sometimes even the people who know you. It’s unstable relationships, impulsive and self-destructive behaviours, it’s mood swings, explosive anger and paranoia. It’s sometimes feeling like you’re a god, worthy of everyones respect and admiration, and other times feeling like you’re worthless. It’s being “sensitive” and “whiny” and making a big deal out of “nothing”. 

I’m not suggesting at all that Lucio was written as a character who has BPD, but I can recognize many of his traits in myself and I felt that I could understand his thinking and motivations, and the things that led to him becoming the person that he is, especially given the little we’ve seen of the environment he grew up in and the way he was treated by his parents. 

Lucio actually fulfils most of the criteria for being diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is closely related to BPD and shares a lot of common traits. 

Some of the most typical signs of someone having NPD are:

Attention seeking

Exaggerated entitlement

Admiration seeking

Excessive reliance on others for self-esteem and self-definition

Lack of empathy

Exploitative of others

Grandiose and condescending 

Sound like anyone we know? Whether it was intentional or not to write Lucio with the characteristics of a narcissist, the fact is that he has them. NPD and BPD are very real, debilitating mental illnesses that affect a lot of people’s lives. A lot of people playing The Arcana will have NPD/BPD/a similar disorder (or at least know someone who does) and see parts of themselves in Lucio.  To have his character development not go beyond “I’m a self-important asshole who is only out for myself, and there’s no explanation other than I’m just garbage” is disappointing, to say the least, if not downright offensive. 

Every single person in existence has motivations and reasons for the way they behave, and the views that they hold. Think of all the most popular villains in books and movies - every one of them has their own reasons for doing what they do. Some have traumatic pasts, some have been wronged, some have a skewed idea of what is right and how the world should be. Some are redeemable and some are not, but well-written villains should at least have some kind of character development and have thought put into why they are the way they are. I’m not saying Lucio is or ever was a “good person”, and I’m not saying that he should have been forgiven or have a redemption arc. But come on, he deserved more than either being chased out of Vesuvia like a little bitch, killed by his wife, or drained of blood and eaten in a ritual with no further hope of learning more about him. People that were invested in Lucio as a character deserved more. If nothing else, it’s just lazy writing and poor character construction. 

But the worst part for me? Seeing Dana’s reaction to peoples upset on her Twitter;  “loving garbage is valid, you don’t have to try to convince yourself it’s not garbage. but also? don’t convince yourself a dumpster is actually a treasure chest, then get mad when there’s actually garbage inside and not treasure.”

No person is just a fucking dumpster, and no one should ever be made to feel that way, even in terms of a fictional character. If you want to write your characters as one dimensional, sure, go off. That’s your business. But understand that some people are (rightly) going to be upset, and maybe try to be empathetic to the reasons why. Some people have mental illnesses that make them behave in similar ways to your character, who you berate constantly. Some people have put a lot of time and money into this game, and most people playing have some level of emotional involvement. Some people hate Lucio, some love to hate him, and some people love him. All absolutely valid, and I’ve seen posts from people with all opinions on Lucio unhappy with the way his character arc was ultimately handled, or not handled, more to the point. 

So, after the update, I can see that I’m not the only one feeling let down by Nix Hydra, and it upsets me to see how badly some people have been affected by this. 

We expected more.

Lucio deserved more.